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Jun. 9th, 2009 @ 11:59 am (no subject)
Vashon Island.
Madison Beach.
Golden Gardens.
Huntington Beach.
San Diego.
Drinking beer in the sun.
Delicious barbeque.
Swimming.
New friends, rediscovering old friends.
Camping with the family this weekend.
Japan in 10 days.
Music when I get back.
So far, this warm season has been nothing short of spectacular.
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May. 8th, 2009 @ 04:59 pm (no subject)
Really?


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Mar. 24th, 2009 @ 12:42 am (no subject)
Fuck this Livejournal shit.

<a href=http://www.theawesomemachine.com>The Awesome Machine</a>

My new blog.
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Mar. 9th, 2009 @ 01:06 am (no subject)
Saturday was the last day I'll ever set foot in my
grandparents' house again. Ever.
For 25 years that house was a huge part of my life.
No more.
I'll never see my grandma sitting in her chair,
drinking her one beer and making silly jokes.
I'll never hang out with grandpa in his workshop,
learning amazing things and sharing a good laugh.
Never again will there be a Christmas morning
with Ma and Pa Yost. They are both gone now.
And so is the house.
It's only going to be a memory.

It feels like part of my heart has been cut out.
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Feb. 22nd, 2009 @ 03:16 am (no subject)
I am wasted right now.
Just thought I'd leave some words for anyone
(read: no one)
who cared to read them.
I am lonely as all hell, but I'm OK with that.
Girls don't dig me, and I think I know why.
Actually, I have no idea why.
But that's how it is, so why fight it?
I can't stay in a relationship for more
than 3 weeks. Why? I wish I knew.
I'm not bitching, just stating facts.
I am going to be alone for a long time.
And I am making myself OK with that.
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Feb. 20th, 2009 @ 08:28 pm (no subject)
An email I received:

Hi [Kane Hodder]!!

Hows it going? Koichi told me that Hooray, the other band splitting
the record, is finally finished recording.
CD will be releasing in April!! Sorry about the delay, but finally its
happening!!

So, some shows in Japan are confirmed! Thats awesome!!
6/21 Art House,  Kobe Hyogo
6/25 K's Dream,  Inage Chiba
6/27 K's Dream,  Inage, Chiba

Those are only some of them. We can book as many shows you would like.
We can even do shows everyday while staying. It is totally up to you
guys. Please let me know how many days you want to play.

We are thinking of having you for 10 days in Japan: 6/19 - 6/29.
Of course we can still make arrangements with your schedules.  Please
let me know if this would work out.

The deal is pretty much the same with last time. We will provide you
airfares and accommodations.
Please make sure you will have enough merch, T-shirts and etc. We can
ship it to Japan when its ready.

***
Anyways, here is what we need for the CD and tour:

- Official Kane Hodder Profile
- Koichi wants you guys to pick the title for the CD
- Promotional write up for CD / reviews (I'm gonna have it translated)
-Credits for the CD (Thanks for our family and friends... those kind
of things. hope you get what I'm trying to say..)


Please sent those info to me as soon as possible.
I can meet you anytime if you needed!
***

Im still trying to come with you guys. Hopefully it will work out!
That would be so much fun!!
Please let me know if you have any questions and anything I can do for you.

Talk to you soon!!
 
Oh god yes.


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Jan. 31st, 2009 @ 06:30 pm (no subject)
Today was an awesome day.
Didn't really do anything exciting, just kicked
it with my friend Gary.
Gary Barbo is fucking amazing.
We've recently become very close friends.
Like, best friends close.
It was great to spend most of my day with a dude
who I really respect and admire.
And who really respects and admires me.
Friends like that make me so very happy
when darkness threatens to take over my heart.
I've got to keep reminding myself to be happy.
That I am a decent person.
Loneliness shouldn't be my coffin.

P.S. In the course of my day, I've ingested nicotine, Oxycontin, pho, wine, marijuana, and beer.
You could say that I'm sailing.


Right now, I feel fucking great.
Sustain it.
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Jan. 22nd, 2009 @ 01:30 am (no subject)
Disregard my last post.
Well, not entirely.
I am still very depressed.
But the fact that I've felt this way for years
and haven't hurt myself is
a testament to something.
You know what it is?

I am a Yost.

Call it egocentric, cocky, or whatever.
It's not.
My family is my sole source of inspiration.
My grandfather was the most amazing person I'll ever know.
Fact of the matter is,
my family has gone through HELL.
And always pushed on.
I'm one of them.
Yes, I get sad.
Yes, I probably have emotional issues.
Yes, sometimes I think I need professional help.
But I am a good person.
And I am also a continent.
I am immovable.
I will always be here.
Nothing can stop me from being alive
in this exact moment.
Fucking try it.
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Jan. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:11 am (no subject)
Some people are happy.
Some are sad.
I am stuck in a perpetual state
on melancholy.
I simply CAN NOT escape it.
All day, all night, I am sad.
The world isn't very colorful these days.
I fail to see joy in things.

Hollow.

That's how I feel.
I'm faking my way through my days.
My friends try to help me,
and I'm SO grateful to have them.
But nothing works.
And I can't think of a solution.

Something is wrong with me.
Something serious.
How do I fix it?

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Jan. 20th, 2009 @ 10:07 pm (no subject)
So I was wrong.
Again.
I can't quite grasp why this
keeps happening to me.
I know that I fucked up
in the past.
Karma, etc.
But I feel I've paid my penance.
I'll always be sorry for what I did.
I guess it's just not my
turn to be happy.

My sky is empty again.
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Jan. 6th, 2009 @ 05:38 pm (no subject)
Even though I'm beyond elated,
I can't help but feel a slight tinge
of trepidation.
I like this, but I really hope
I don't get hurt again.
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Jan. 5th, 2009 @ 02:17 pm (no subject)
My life has been a wonderful
whirlwind since Friday.
Just when I stopped caring, stopped looking;
Magic happened.
It's amazing what life can throw at you
out of nowhere.
Let's just hope this continues.
And I think it will.
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Jan. 4th, 2009 @ 12:06 pm (no subject)
If I was in any better of a mood,
I think I'd explode.

More later...
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Dec. 22nd, 2008 @ 04:38 pm (no subject)
I don't know who or where you are,
but I'm going to find you someday.
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Dec. 19th, 2008 @ 08:22 pm (no subject)
And it starts...
sometime around midnight
or at least that's when
you lose yourself
for a minute or two

As you stand...
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano's this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
you haven't seen her
for a while.

But you know...
that she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
she's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
she walks up and asks how you are
so you can smell her perfume
you can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
in your emotions
and all of these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind
of the curl of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined
and you feel hopeless, and homeless
and lost in the haze
of the wine

And she leaves...
with someone you don't know
but she makes sure you saw her
she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes
and when your friends say what is it
you look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
under the streetlights
and you're too drunk to notice
that everyone is staring at you
and you so care what you look like
the world is falling
around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

and you know that she'll break you
in two...
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Dec. 2nd, 2008 @ 06:09 pm (no subject)
Too much happened in the last week.
I thought I was going to lose my mind.
I thought nothing could get worse.
I was almost right.

But my, how I was wrong.
The two things in my life that were crushing my soul are now gone.

I went for a walk last night and caught myself
smiling for no damn reason at all,
and a million reasons at the same time.

I feel like a giant weight has been lifted.
Anything is possible.

What's next?
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Nov. 3rd, 2008 @ 07:14 pm (no subject)
Current Music: Wu-Tang Clan - 8 Diagrams
What a pleasant weekend.
So many unexpected surprises.
Such as my hitherto untapped propensity
to defend a friend no matter what the cost.
I said I'd defend my friends to blood,
and by god, I fucking meant it.
But anyway.
I had a good weekend.
Seeing everybody was awesome.
And playing my very first basement show with Hodder was excellent.

But something is eating my subconscious.
And it's coming soon.
I'm not going to be happy at the end of this month.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
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Oct. 11th, 2008 @ 01:49 pm (no subject)
Hello friends.
It's been a while.
Six weeks to be exact.
I'm pretty sure no one cares,
hence I don't really use this anymore.

Anyway.
I feel really good lately.
No more anxiety.
I'm quite at peace with where I am right now.
I'm still single, but I don't really care.
Plus, I have a "date" tonight.
Woo!
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Aug. 24th, 2008 @ 10:17 pm (no subject)
I am the R.M.S. Patience.
Unsinkable.
Things are better than they seem.
Soon, I'm going to make things
even better.
I'll either be where I want to be,
or I can move on.
Whichever way things go,
I will be just fine.
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Aug. 24th, 2008 @ 08:44 pm (no subject)
Goddammit.
I just want to call her and say
"Look. I'm pretty much in love with you.
I think we're perfect for each other.
Will you be my girlfriend?"
But her phone is off. So I can't
And I'm too big a pussy to do that anyway.
Actually, I might right now if I could.
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